Saying Good Riddance to September and HUZZAH! to October

To be perfectly honest, the last few months in my world have been arduous, a marathon of one challenge after an other. I tried to withstand them with the grace my name suggests, but I failed quite a bit. I even found myself in the childish thought-circle of "why me?" and "what have I done to deserve this?" It is only natural, only human, for us to seek order and reason during Samsara (cycle of earthly suffering), as if understanding the designs of our suffering would lessen the pain (hint: it doesn't.). The two most serious crises recently were health-related, reminding me the importance of caring for my body in times of bounty so the reserves can carry my mind through in times of famine.

At the very beginning of July, I tore a major muscle in my lower back. I was hoping it was only a bad strain and pushed myself to do my regular yoga practice, which had me in tears on the floor. By pushing to do my yoga instead of listening my body and resting, I further inflamed the injury and was functionally immobilized, in agony, for two months. All I could do was wait for the muscle to repair itself and do the most basic stretches when I could manage them. The muscle healed very well, but I lost a lot of strength and I am now slowly building up to 100%. I went two months without Asana (yoga postures), the longest I've ever been without it in the 13 years I've practiced. Suffice to say, it was extremely depressing and my joints still ache from the long Asana drought.

Just as I was regaining the use of my back, my husband was beset by a flare-up of the disease he suffers from, but rears its nasty head rarely, every 1.5 years or so. He suffers from cluster headaches, the grand poobah of all migraines. They are extremely rare and very little is understood about them, besides the expert belief that it may very well be, without exaggeration, the most painful condition known to medical science. When Ben gets them, he is knocked out of life for 4-6 weeks. No work, no friends, no loud noises, no lights, no conversation. Imagine living in dark, boring agony with nothing to distract from mind-breaking pain for a month at a time. I can only speak from my perspective, but as a care-giving wife during "headache season," it's frightening, lonely and sleepless. A deep helplessness and rage grows in me that does not happen when it's just me suffering. Cluster headaches are so strange and mysterious, causing so much terror with no explanation, and there is nothing I can do to make the demon go away. I can only hold his hand, hold down the fort and wait. As is always the case though, just as we both begin to fear that maybe this time the headache won't go away, it does. Tuesday, just as quickly as it came, the headache is gone and my husband is back. Tuesday was also his birthday, so we have many things to celebrate in the following weeks.

All is well and all will be well. I am full to overflowing with gratitude for an end to this particular season of suffering and gratitude also for the lessons taught by pain, like grace, endurance, selflessness and appreciation for victories great and small. In that joy, I feel comfortable setting real goals for October, goals mostly involving a return to joyful normalcy.

For October:

1. Try ecstatic dance and if I like it, make it a weekly habit
2. Work back up to an hour a day of Asana
3. Re-establish a weekly date night with my husband
4. Work back up to going to the gym 4 days a week
5. Invest time in my friendships
6. Become a morning person

Yes, those are a lot of goals, but I'm hungry for health, success and love.

What are your goals for October?

Please Remember Haiti

The immediate response to the disaster in Haiti has been overwhelmingly powerful, a beautiful display of solidarity, action and empathy, but as time drags on, the situation will only get more desperate and complicated. In the coming days, weeks, months and years of rebuilding, please, don't forget them. The soul of Haiti is the soul of us all and we must take care of each other.

Here are some wonderful organizations doing great work for Haiti. Do whatever you can to support them:

• Partners in Health have been on the ground in Haiti for over 20 years and right now they are in desperate need of assistance to answer the overwhelming need for medical attention in Port au Prince.
• The easiest thing in the world to help is to send $10 to the Red Cross by texting "HAITI" to 90999. Please, just do it. There is no excuse not to.
• The International Medical Corps is providing emergency medical assistance in Haiti and will be staying there to help rebuild their decimated health care system.
• Fill a shoe box for a Haitian child through Million for Haiti. Fill the box with the following: 1 travel toothpaste, 1 toothbrush, 4 granola type bars, 1 bottled water (16 oz.). Mail your shoebox to:

Million for Haiti
3500 American Blvd. #685

Minneapolis, MN 55431

Along with these national and international organizations, keep an eye out for what's being organized in your own community. Look at churches, community centers, yoga studios, crafting circles, and music venues to support their efforts for Haiti.

As you do everything you can by giving money, putting aid packages together, going to benefit concerts, participating in benefit auctions, and encouraging your congressional representatives to support Haiti, also remember the power of meditation. In your daily yoga and meditation practice, take a moment to send your positive intentions to the healing of Haiti.

We're all in this together. Namaste.

Is Mercury in Retrograde or What?

I don't know about the rest of you, but the past few weeks have been a little heavy on my side of the world. I have been deeply introspective as of late, caught up in my own meta-analysis of the human condition and thus, my blog has lain fallow. Yes, Mercury is indeed in retrograde and when that happens there does seem to be a marked increase in communication disruptions and a drain on creative energy in myself and those around me, but Mercury can't be the whole story. It's easy to place the blame for our actions and emotions on an external force, like astrology, a god figure or the weather, but these ideas are most likely based more in our deep-seated need to find order and meaning in our suffering than in any concrete reality of these phenomena. The vast majority, if not all, of our suffering comes from defending the ego, our idea of the self as a separate, vital entity, incongruous with the rest of existence. Instead of owning that suffering as being of our own creation, we externalize the source on natural or supernatural forces out of our control, in protection of an ego that requires blamelessness to retain legitimacy. If we are ever to be free of suffering and the bonds of the ego, we must accept responsibility for the pain we create in the pursuit of differentiation. We must remember that we are all one; there is no Other.

Sorry about my absence. I would like to say that it won't happen again, but that is simply not a promise I can guarantee I will keep. Deep, contemplative states need to happen sometimes and they never follow a schedule. I do know that today I felt more alive than I have in a few weeks. I even went for a run for the first time since I experienced a catastrophic knee injury a year and a half ago. I wish you that same level of joy and freedom in your life every day.

Namaste.